blood,

nothing i could vocalize 

nothing for my palms to push back on

just deafening silence

and the vein above my eye nearly

bursting

skin losing its stitching -

strength in my legs dissipating .

my hands

my feet

numb

vision going in and out .

i couldn’t figure out where this was

coming from

i admit i always wanted a

dramatic ending

and it was right there for me …

yet i still cowered at death’s feet .

instead of welcoming him in

as an old friend

i collapsed to the ground soaked in

regret

i couldn’t let go  .

didn’t change my mind 

it just wasn’t time .

i woke the next morning 

vacantly staring

into my bacon & eggs

cup full of bright orange -

and felt nothing. 

maybe it was all a dream

maybe i was just overreacting .